Former Michigan Republican Candidate Sent For Sex Offender Treatment After ‘Cranking’

This is not someone I want on our side. Nope. What a freak.

Meet Jordan Haskins. He’s a 26-year-old Michigan Republican who, at one time, ran as an Actual Candidate (a state House seat).  He describes himself as a “pro-life, pro-family and freedom loving American,” which sounds good, but he’s actually a total freak. Apparently, he’s into something called “cranking.” Now, I had no idea what that was until I read this article, and all I can say is EWWWWWWWWWWWW. What is WRONG with people?

I’m not even sure how to describe this, so I’m just going to let the Daily Mail do it.

Jordan Haskins, 26, from Michigan, has a self-professed fetish for masturbating to the sound of a vibrating engine after pulling out spark plug wires from vehicles.

Yeah. That’s A Thing.

Now that we’ve established that, you should know that Haskins was “sentenced on eight felonies in two separate auto incidents.” And yes. It involved “cranking.” *pukes*

In April, the 26-year-old he pleaded guilty to six counts of unlawfully driving away an automobile, one count of malicious destruction of property and one count of breaking and entering into a building with intent to commit unlawfully driving away an automobile.

The felonies against him related to two vehicle incidents, one involving ‘cranking’ and the other joyriding.

In the first case, Haskins broke into a Saginaw County-owned maintenance truck and “cranked.” The second case didn’t involve cranking, thank goodness. He just broke into a Martin Chevrolet shop, stole four vehicles and went on a little joyride. Nbd. (Intense sarcasm.)

Long story short, he’s getting sex offender treatment, but he doesn’t actually have to register as a sex offender.

Circuit Judge Robert L. Kaczmarek handed down the sentence of five years probation with mental health and sex offender treatment.

Haskins’ attorney, James Hession, said: ‘It’s something I don’t think we understand as attorneys, but he’s going to benefit from treatment and counseling.

“He’s a good person, he has a lot of aspirations for the future, he’s highly intelligent,” Hession said, according to the Daily Mail. “However, he’s had some problems with compulsive conduct which gave rise to these charges.”

Because all “highly intelligent” people “gratify” themselves inside stolen vehicles, right?

But despite calling a prison ‘his ultimate wake-up call’ he continued with the peculiar ‘cranking’ act, which he said he picked up online.

What a freak. Yeah. I said it. Judge away.

h/t Daily Mail