Crafting With Umbilical Cords. It’s A Thing Now.

If you’re eating your own placenta, or making jewelry out of your breastmilk, or using your umbilical cord for arts and crafts, you are wack.  I’m sorry, but there is simply no reason for any of that nonsense, except to include yourself in some bizarre progressive hippie club.  So congrats on your club membership, I suppose, but yeah.  You’re wack.

Don’t believe me about what women are doing with their pregnancy parts?  Just read here or here or here or here or here or here.

And now, there’s this.

Let me just tell you how that article begins.  It reads, “While some brave mothers endeavor to eat the placenta after giving birth, the umbilical cord is usually discarded as waste.”

Um…well…yeah.  That’s because it’s waste.

It continues:

But now new parents are turning their creativity to the duct and using it to make ‘art’ as a memento of the birth in the latest birthing trend to hit social media.

Why?  Why are we doing this?  I don’t know about you all, but the only mementos I ever needed from my kids’ births were MY KIDS.  They do a pretty good job of reminding me of the moments of their births by, you know, existing and whatnot.

But if you’re interested in umbilical crafts, then congrats, because the possibilities are endless.

Creations that can be crafted from the blood-vessel-filled cord include heart-shaped trinkets, framed letters, bracelets and even dream catchers.

No joke, y’all.  Just look.

And naturally, there are associated hashtags on Instagram, like #umbilicalcordkeepsake.  FOR REAL.

You might be wondering, “How does someone go about creating a craft with an umbilical cord?”

I’m glad you asked.  The process is vile.

First, you have to take the raw, nasty umbilical cord and create whatever design you want while it’s raw and nasty.  And then you bake it in the oven to dry it out.

Neat, huh?

Anyway, I’ll admit I didn’t see this coming, even after breastmilk jewelry and placenta pizza.  Y’all can count on me to bring you news about whatever’s next.  I’m assuming it’ll be creating mementos out of babies’ first poops or something.

WACK.