College Students Actually Married The Ocean. But That’s Not All…

You know that line we all said in fifth grade to each other “Well if you love [insert beloved thing here] so much, why don’t you marry it!” Yeah… these idiots took it a little too literally.

(Then again, modern college kids don’t seem to have matured too much beyond age ten anyway).

According to this, students from Santa Monica College staged a mass wedding where they all “married the ocean.” The event was sponsored by the college’s EcoSexual Club, which means it was officially sanctioned (and funded) by the school –

The ceremony began with Bruce Cartier, a former SMC student, proclaiming to those gathered at Santa Monica Beach that “today we stand upon this holy earth and in this sacred space to witness the rite of matrimony between the sea and us all.”

Next, leaders of the event distributed rings to the students, announcing “with this ring, I bestow upon the sea the treasures of my mind heart and hands—as well as my body and soul. With the power vested in us, we now pronounce you ‘married to the sea.’”

I’m curious – did the ocean have to sign the marriage license to make this legal? And how did that happen? The logistics of this escape me.

If that’s not weird enough, some also proceeded to get frisky with the ocean. All I can say is I hope there were no children present at that particular beach –

Some students then made their way down to the water, where they were urged by event organizers to “consummate” the marriage and “make love with the water.”

“Stick your toes in the water … or any part of your body that you want.”

Um… I think that’s called “swimming.” Or in some instances “wading.” But whatever tickles your hippie-dippie-flower-child fancy. I’m not here to judge (except – I kind of am. And this is BIZARRE beyond belief).

But don’t worry – they TOTALLY asked consent before having sex with the ocean –

One attendee of the event—who identified herself only as “Serenity”—spoke about the importance of gaining consent from the earth before proceeding with a physical relationship.

“Back when I would hug trees in Santa Cruz, I would sort of ask the tree if it was okay if I hugged it and I would feel their spirit or energy or something give a response back, and then proceed accordingly,” she told The Corsair. “Consent is definitely important. Do you think the Earth would consent to fracking and pollution? Probably not”.

Not. Even. Gonna. Ask.

And there’s even VIDEO of it, y’all! (Don’t worry – the video’s safe for work. Might not be safe for your sanity, though) –

[iframe id=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/qVkxaNfgBco”]

Excellent use of tuition money, guys. Yeah… funds well-spent. I’m sure.