I think Canadians sometimes run the risk of forgetting that they exist as an independent (ish) nation solely due to the good graces of the United States, and nothing else. Luckily, I’m not alone in this thinking, and one likeminded Twitter maestro gave a masterclass in putting uppity Canadians in their place.
Twitter user Three Year Letterman documented his exchange with Amir Attaran, a persnickety butt wart of a professor, who took to social media to scold a flight attendant for not wearing a mask while giving an announcement on a Canada-America flight. k is contained within two posts: The actual exchange, plus Mr. Letterman’s summary (starting above). They are both excellent, and I will be showing you all of them.
For those who missed it: Yesterday, an irate Canadian professor (Lord Maple Leaf) tried to challenge me. It did not end well for him. Please join me on this journey down memory lane. Trust me, this is well worth your time. (1/7)
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 20, 2022
Hey @United, why are you breaking the law? Masks are required on all flights out of Canada. Your flight attendant isn’t wearing one! This is UA3737 in Ottawa right now. @rcmpgrcpolice @Transport_gc @AirPassRightsCA @CBCPolitics @globeandmail @globalnews pic.twitter.com/0htSabOBQl
— Amir Attaran (@profamirattaran) June 18, 2022
Correct, you are just a British province, not a real country. So you have to do whatever America says
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 19, 2022
This made Amir BIG mad.
Prime Minister Poutine did not heed my advice and responded with ingratitude. Taking the high road once again, I reminded him of another historical fact: (3/7) https://t.co/Ip1MRH8pDi
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 20, 2022
PRIME MINISTER POUTINE.
This is false. You lost the revolutionary war to us and the needed us to single handedly win WWI for you. You have zero SEC championships
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 19, 2022
The SEC championship thing could not possibly be less relevant, and yet WHAT a burn.
Anyway, Amir’s insecurity about his nation continued to mount, so he brought out the big… gun, singular, because this is the only brag they have.
Dr. Syrup then decided to celebrate Canada burning the White House (a clear piece of historic fantasy fiction), so the gloves came off: (5/7) https://t.co/R5uNegKq2x
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 20, 2022
Lord Mapleleaf, I’ve made more money panning for gold in Dahlonega than your country’s annual GDP
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 19, 2022
Someone at SNL should hire this guy. He’s the only person who might be able to save them before it’s too late. Or, hell, send him to the Babylon Bee. Where they APPRECIATE good humor.
But then, after Amir’s snobbish attempts to rebuff these sick ass burns, Mr. Letterman went in with the kill shot.
I didn’t want to mention this, but you’ve left me no choice.
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 19, 2022
My company car is a fully loaded 2011 Taurus with a 24 disc CD changer in the trunk pic.twitter.com/3BiZefeL0Y
BOOM.
RIP in peace, Amir. Take the L. You earned it.
3 Comments
“Amir’s … so he brought out the big… gun”
Is that legal in Canada?
80% of Canadians live within 200 miles of the USA border. I wonder why that is?
So they’re closer to the Stanley Cup?